Cars, carrots and coping

People watching is an interesting thing, and when you’re cooped up on a flight for nearly seven hours, it is inevitable. Especially when watching a movie that bores your brains out. This post has two parts – a spoiler-filled review of Fast & Furious 6, and thoughts on my fellow passengers.

PART ONE: THE MOVIE
I’ve a confession to make, I’m a fan of the Fast & Furious series – I love the cars and the action. I hated the second movie, went against the tide of haters for the third (seriously, I thought Tokyo Drift was a whole lot of fun), and kept going back for more.

I’ve been trying to watch the sixth one for ages, but never managed it. So on a flight when I saw the movie in the list, I had to press play.

And how royally have the franchise screwed it up with this one! I got so bored I started getting distracted by people around me.

Okay look, you have to understand it takes a lot for me to not pay attention to a movie. When The Rock started spouting lines about wanting wolves, and protecting chickens from the foxes, I wanted to set dogs on him.

And when the climax scene with the tank (c’mon everyone has seen that scene in the trailer) came to an end, I actually laughed at the absurdity – behold, Vin Diesel can fly. When Han mentioned Tokyo, I was all, DON’T GO YOU WILL DIIIIIEEEEEEEEE! When the stupid cheesy last scene as played I felt more awkward than the actors on screen looked. When someone mentioned going to “the other side” all I could think about was Jason Derulo’s song courtesy it being overplayed on our radio stations. And I don’t know whose idea it was to outdo the tank in the movie… But WAS THAT RIDICULOUSLY UNREALISTICALLY MASSIVE PLANE THE MOST SENSIBLE IDEA?!

PART TWO: MY FELLOW PASSENGERS
I had an aloo (that’s ‘potato’ for you non-desi folk) sitting next to me. An aloo means more than just the vegetable – it can be used to refer to desi men who look like overgrown potatoes. Not only did this aloo take up my space, he kept dropping things near my feet, and drank around three mini-bottles of vodka. Bear in mind the flight left Dubai at 9am. Looks like someone was intent on riding the free train! Then him and his wife spent five minutes trying to decide what to eat. It’s not an extensive menu, geniuses. The aloo then asked, when the lovely stewardess came by to ask what he wanted for breakfast, why the lunch options were not available at same time, and looked genuinely disappointed he only had limited choices. This is economy class dude. You’re lucky you HAVE a choice.

Anyway while I was getting bored shitless with uninspiring quips on Fast & Furious 6, my attention was caught by a man two seats over watching a South Indian movie with English subtitles, where a man whom I guessed was the hero was wooing a woman in a song by eating a carrot in slow motion. No, really. Someone, anyone, explain this. This was followed by the girl he was wooing doing some kind of light aerobics in salwar kameez on the street with around 20 aunties behind her doing the same. Then the hero decided kissing a baby while grinning creepily at the woman on his dreams was the best idea. She was not impressed. Neither was I. Then some men appeared on screen talking about hair dye. Ummmm.

On the other screen, a man was watching Star Trek into Darkness and I kept getting distracted by the mesmerising eyes of Chris Pine and Benedict Cumberbatch. Mmmmm.

I’ve survived yet another flight. Hurrah.

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